You sound (to an alarming degree) exactly like Funk himself. The 'twirling moustache' thing is something he has repeatedly used in the past. If you are, then fuck you, you spineless fucking coward.

If not, my apologies, but your metaphor is phrased exactly the same way he's phrased things in the past, and the thought of him commenting here and whiteknighting himself is just shudder-inducing. I really hope you're not him.