I don't know who decided that bdsm HAS to conform to certain expectations in order to be 'real,' but they need to be punched in the face. BDSM is practiced by lots of couples/groups with various emphasis on each of the letters. All of it is valid. Not everyone wants to go to wild parties or feels like incorporating the lifestyle all the time, in bed or out.
i personally find lifestyle bdsm, or at leas the dominance aspect, to be a huge turnoff. but i like more than just vanilla sex in the missionary position. bondage can be aesthetically pleasing, s&m can get the pleasurable endophins flowing... but i'm not interested in pushing my character ooc just so they can conform to the "dom" or "sub" role. what's wrong with fun, kinky sex?
fifty shades is awful because it combines halfassed writing with all the creepy shit of twilight, not because it's not hardcore enough.
anon below kind of touched on it, but people who think powerplay automatically gives you a pass on playing out rape - that one partner is in total control of the other and decides what they are and aren't okay with or ready for, despite any protests, and the other party inevitably ends up going "oh bby u were so right" afterwards
if the players acknowledge how fucked up that is oocly it's fine, i'm talking about people who think bdsm means it's okay to ignore boundaries
on top of that you get this "ideal" for what bdsm should be, which is either that bdsm is always super hardcore piss and tears or always super fluffy feather ticklers and silk blindfolds, and that anything in between isn't doing it right, or that you can't just do individual letters and have to everything for it to "count"
i've seen tons of people do this shit so it isn't a one time thing, it's people with no experience in the practice getting bad information and assuming that's normal
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
-.5
(Anonymous) 2013-09-07 10:01 pm (UTC)(link)no subject
there's no excuse not to do some research and know what you're writing
+1
(Anonymous) 2013-09-07 10:20 pm (UTC)(link)fifty shades is awful because it combines halfassed writing with all the creepy shit of twilight, not because it's not hardcore enough.
Re: +1
(Anonymous) 2013-09-07 10:28 pm (UTC)(link)in those you see a lot of the exact same type of bdsm, which is generally some cliched bullshit if not just plain bad or incorrect
Re: +1
(Anonymous) 2013-09-08 12:18 am (UTC)(link)Re: +1
(Anonymous) 2013-09-08 12:55 am (UTC)(link)if the players acknowledge how fucked up that is oocly it's fine, i'm talking about people who think bdsm means it's okay to ignore boundaries
on top of that you get this "ideal" for what bdsm should be, which is either that bdsm is always super hardcore piss and tears or always super fluffy feather ticklers and silk blindfolds, and that anything in between isn't doing it right, or that you can't just do individual letters and have to everything for it to "count"
i've seen tons of people do this shit so it isn't a one time thing, it's people with no experience in the practice getting bad information and assuming that's normal
Re: -.5
(Anonymous) 2013-09-07 10:50 pm (UTC)(link)