see, that's definitely not how i read that line. i took kylo ren's meaning as this: you are not defined by what you've grown up with. you are not defined by the events that happened to you in the past. whatever you went through when you were younger, can only break you if you allow it to.

but whatever ig i'm crazy for assuming it was a revelation about his character's motivations, and not some sooper secret middle finger toward luke skywalker and friends