I've had too many friends like that turn on me for not caring enough or in the right way or whatever goes on in their heads. It's important to learn to express feelings of anxiety or depression without shitting on your friends' faces in the process.
A lot of people who are deeply depressed just can't. That's not to say it's wrong of you to bail or get fed up with it and decide you don't want to be treated like shit. Just try not to think too badly of them if they're in such a bad place mentally that they can't even see support for what it is.
Hopefully one day if they do turn it around, they'll realize you were there for them more than they were able to see at the time.
Anon, I don't just mean generalizations, which I have made myself and I can get over. I mean I have had more than one person straight up bite my head off about how I'm a bad friend for telling them that I and others care. I have depression, too, and there's really no excuse for that, especially when you never apologize after the fact.
When it's a severe chemical imbalance, eh. I'm a little sensitive to this issue, I guess, because I have a cousin with severe bipolar. When her meds work and are balanced, she's a wonderful person to be around, considerate, and caring.
When her meds stop working or she's going through leveling issues, she will snap at anyone who moves, and it is blatantly obvious she is not in control of herself and unable to moderate it. Some people literally can't control it. It's hard to tell online who is in that position and who's just being a straight up asshole, which is why I said I can't blame anyone who bails in that kind of situation. I'm just personally not quick to decide "asshole" right away.
I am very familiar with bipolar and I know there are a lot of issues with impulse control and emotional stability that come with it, but an apology or even just an acknowledgement after the fact makes a huge difference to me in how I regard someone.
I have had way too many people turn around and use their mental illness as an excuse for treating me like shit. If you have the self awareness to say "my mental illness made me do it" then you have the self awareness to apologize once you're stable.
Mental illness makes people act in ways they have no control over, but that doesn't mean your actions don't still hurt people. You have to take responsibility for that. Otherwise, don't expect people to stick around, because even people who aren't mentally ill don't deserve any abuse.
If a friend hurts me while they're enduring a bad turn with their own illness, but has the decency to come to me at a later date to apologize and explain that they only did/said what they did because they were feeling low, that makes me understand a lot better. I know that the incident wasn't personal, and I don't hold it against them. It helps get rid of any bad standing between us because I knew they weren't seeking to hurt me on purpose. It means something when people can understand and own up to causing you harm, even if they couldn't help it at the time. After all, if you accidentally smack someone in the face with a ladder they still get hurt, right?
Conversely, if I approach a friend saying something they did or said hurt me, and all I get back is a string of defensiveness and excuses about how they couldn't help it and how it's not THEIR fault, and my calling out the fact they hurt me is making them feel bad wah wah, then yeah that's someone I don't want to be around.
signed, a metnally ill anon who has had too many mentally ill friends and S.Os use their illness as defense for outright bullying and manipulating them
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wankgate2015-02-14 11:22 pm
no subject
(Anonymous) 2015-02-19 10:06 pm (UTC)(link)no subject
(Anonymous) 2015-02-20 06:12 pm (UTC)(link)Hopefully one day if they do turn it around, they'll realize you were there for them more than they were able to see at the time.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2015-02-20 06:21 pm (UTC)(link)no subject
(Anonymous) 2015-02-21 12:06 am (UTC)(link)When her meds stop working or she's going through leveling issues, she will snap at anyone who moves, and it is blatantly obvious she is not in control of herself and unable to moderate it. Some people literally can't control it. It's hard to tell online who is in that position and who's just being a straight up asshole, which is why I said I can't blame anyone who bails in that kind of situation. I'm just personally not quick to decide "asshole" right away.
ayrt
(Anonymous) 2015-02-21 12:21 am (UTC)(link)+1
(Anonymous) 2015-02-21 08:04 pm (UTC)(link)Mental illness makes people act in ways they have no control over, but that doesn't mean your actions don't still hurt people. You have to take responsibility for that. Otherwise, don't expect people to stick around, because even people who aren't mentally ill don't deserve any abuse.
If a friend hurts me while they're enduring a bad turn with their own illness, but has the decency to come to me at a later date to apologize and explain that they only did/said what they did because they were feeling low, that makes me understand a lot better. I know that the incident wasn't personal, and I don't hold it against them. It helps get rid of any bad standing between us because I knew they weren't seeking to hurt me on purpose. It means something when people can understand and own up to causing you harm, even if they couldn't help it at the time. After all, if you accidentally smack someone in the face with a ladder they still get hurt, right?
Conversely, if I approach a friend saying something they did or said hurt me, and all I get back is a string of defensiveness and excuses about how they couldn't help it and how it's not THEIR fault, and my calling out the fact they hurt me is making them feel bad wah wah, then yeah that's someone I don't want to be around.
signed, a metnally ill anon who has had too many mentally ill friends and S.Os use their illness as defense for outright bullying and manipulating them