good on you, anon, for trying so hard to give them the benefit of the doubt and trying to look for ways you can learn from this.
but honestly like... i think you're almost certainly giving them too much benefit of the doubt. that doesn't mean that they're actually some kind of actively malicious person, but the way you're writing suggests they really did do a number on your self-perception. i'm getting the vibe that they may have done a lot of weird pass-agg negging while you were ostensibly close friends? while also not at all acknowledging times you went above and beyond for them? and somehow this is all your fault because you're "annoying"? you're hurt but literally all you can do is talk about how YOU suck??
it might do you some good to stop checking their twitter and stuff, though. i know there can be a weird blend of "just checking in" and spite-fueled fascination, but you're just letting someone who wasn't good to you take up even more of your time and energy. it's not worth it.
Re: LETTERS YOU'LL NEVER SEND
but honestly like... i think you're almost certainly giving them too much benefit of the doubt. that doesn't mean that they're actually some kind of actively malicious person, but the way you're writing suggests they really did do a number on your self-perception. i'm getting the vibe that they may have done a lot of weird pass-agg negging while you were ostensibly close friends? while also not at all acknowledging times you went above and beyond for them? and somehow this is all your fault because you're "annoying"? you're hurt but literally all you can do is talk about how YOU suck??
it might do you some good to stop checking their twitter and stuff, though. i know there can be a weird blend of "just checking in" and spite-fueled fascination, but you're just letting someone who wasn't good to you take up even more of your time and energy. it's not worth it.