wankgate | 246: simply stop plurking

246: simply stop plurking

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

a shitty superhero game mod would do something wanky like deny an app based on the number of friends they have

its true. i went to your plurk and looked at the friend count. not satisfied with that, i asked around, got your real name, and looked you up on facebook and linkedin. even though you had only 3 friends between all of these sites, i went even further. maybe you have real life friends. so i went to your town, talked to the people in the area, tried to find out about you. what youre really like. i talked to your parents, your boss.

"ever since childhood," said your first grade teacher. "just totally unpopular and lonely."

even this was not enough. i went to heaven and to hell and to middle earth and vulcan, to ask the angels and demons and all the gods i could find whether you had any supernatural friends. a vampire, a pixie, nuSpock, anything. i met the buddha, and he said you contained the knowledge of the void, but only the social void. i met christ, and he said he didnt know you. i met ahura mazda and we had sex and i forgot to ask about you.

even this was not enough. i put out an all points bulletin across the universe to see if you had even any alien friends. in the entire universe, not a single species evinced the least interest in you, much less affection.

even then, even after all this, it was not enough. i had to draw upon all the strength of god, anime, and the scientific method. and anon, let me tell you, i found out: you really do have millions and millions of friends, billions of friends! all in your microbiome, digesting merrily and lovingly all the media and food you consume, and turning it into the shit tags.

10/10 tag, i can't didn't read it

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

246: simply stop plurking

Re: MODS' PET PEEVES

Re: MODS' PET PEEVES

Re: MODS' PET PEEVES