It's nice for you that you can feel so cavalier about the people you RP with, but many people view their RP partners as more than "someone I met on the internet that I mash barbies with". We form friendships with these people--sometimes close ones, which can affect someone's emotional well being. You don't have to live in the same physical space as someone for them to abuse you, and not all friendships that form from DWRP remain based solely on internet barbies. That is applying a level of simplicity to the picture that lets people like Pyra get away with their antics for as long as they do, and the same applies true for Quix. It gets written off as "just RP" for so long that no one feels like they can speak up about their problems for fear of being written off as "unstable" for "caring too much", like the above anon so pointedly illustrates.
i don't know whether to +1 or -1 this because a lot of it does click with me but i honestly don't know whether or not it's a bad thing. i tend to go through this cycle with my rp partners where i'll write regularly with them until we start exchanging pms for scenes and such, but once that happens i find myself pulling away because i did get close to people i considered friends once in a game, not romance close or anything like that but i considered us friends. then i left the game and they completely cut me off, it was literally like one day i existed to them and the next i didn't. so now i only let people get so close and i feel bad because i'm pretty sure i've left a few people wondering why i dropped our scenes and out of contact. one of them got in touch with me just recently and i'm trying to tag them back (they graciously tagged an old scene i don't think they were too interested in for me) but i keep finding excuses, any excuse, not to tag. but i can't explain this to them because it makes me seem like an overinvested tittybaby, hell, i bet if i get any response at all to this it'll be anons calling me an overinvested tittybaby
point is, ia with you to a point. i think people like you and me get attached, but i also think there are people like my old "friends" who really do go through this hobby without ever forming attachments because it's just rp. i know one side isn't healthy about this hobby, but i don't know if it's them or us
I don't think it's as black or white as that, saying that one side or the other is necessarily inherently healthy. I think like many things, it varies from person to person. Some people might be fine with only forming superficial attachments to the other people in their hobby. Maybe they have a social circle that they value more elsewhere, and there's nothing wrong with that. On the other hand, they might also be poorly adjusted people who suck at forming meaningful relationships with anyone.
Likewise on the other side of that spectrum, it's possible to form close relationships with people that you interact with frequently. Those relationships might be deeper than the hobby that introduced them, possibly leading to several year or lifelong friends. On the other hand, there are people who can take these deep friendships and turn them into a thing of obsession.
My point is you can't just label one or the other as 'healthy' or 'unhealthy' because of your own personal experiences. It's a wide spectrum, so there are going to be many degrees of health in there.
That being said, I'm not going to claim one way or another in your situation, anon. I think it's fair to feel burned from a difference in expectations that you once had. I think that's one of those grey areas where it's hard to place the blame in any particular spot because it might be shared by multiple parties.
you can talk about your bad experiences with people and their faults without jumping right in to "they're abusive! i was abused! this person ruined my life through rp! any mention of their fandoms, their interests, the characters they play, their favorite bands, or the state they live in triggers me!" which i swear to god i've seen before
there's actual life ruining shit, like calling someone's university and trying to get them in trouble, and then there's "seeing this person around in games makes me uncomfy because we had fights over stupid rp shit"
Seeing it before once doesn't mean that everyone with a grievance is jumping right to that. For the record, my issue with Quix isn't about stupid rp shit, but thank you for assuming that just because I called her abusive. This aggressive and controlling behavior of hers extends past RP shit, she doesn't suddenly become a ray of sunshine just because you're talking about non-fandom things. It's everything. Full stop.
The point I'm trying to make is that you don't know the story of the person on the other side of the screen from you. Maybe you could try not assuming that everyone using the word is using it incorrectly because that's a damaging thing to say to someone who has already had their self-esteem and confidence put through the shredder by an abusive friendship.
it might be because some people aren't using enough qualifiers when they use the term abusive.
the shit we're talking about is "an abusive friendship" and it's well in those parameters. it's not "abusive parents" or "an abusive romantic relationship."
the bar for a friendship to be abusive is kind of low, and while the damage it can do is real, it's not the same kind of damage that you see in some other kinds of abusive relationships, because a friendship isn't as close as familial or romantic relationships and it's easier to get out of.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ryanongosling) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
wankgate2016-05-01 10:03 am
dda -1
(Anonymous) 2016-05-09 12:17 am (UTC)(link)Re: dda -1
(Anonymous) 2016-05-09 12:50 am (UTC)(link)point is, ia with you to a point. i think people like you and me get attached, but i also think there are people like my old "friends" who really do go through this hobby without ever forming attachments because it's just rp. i know one side isn't healthy about this hobby, but i don't know if it's them or us
ayrt
(Anonymous) 2016-05-09 01:58 am (UTC)(link)Likewise on the other side of that spectrum, it's possible to form close relationships with people that you interact with frequently. Those relationships might be deeper than the hobby that introduced them, possibly leading to several year or lifelong friends. On the other hand, there are people who can take these deep friendships and turn them into a thing of obsession.
My point is you can't just label one or the other as 'healthy' or 'unhealthy' because of your own personal experiences. It's a wide spectrum, so there are going to be many degrees of health in there.
That being said, I'm not going to claim one way or another in your situation, anon. I think it's fair to feel burned from a difference in expectations that you once had. I think that's one of those grey areas where it's hard to place the blame in any particular spot because it might be shared by multiple parties.
Re: dda -1
(Anonymous) 2016-05-09 05:25 am (UTC)(link)you can talk about your bad experiences with people and their faults without jumping right in to "they're abusive! i was abused! this person ruined my life through rp! any mention of their fandoms, their interests, the characters they play, their favorite bands, or the state they live in triggers me!" which i swear to god i've seen before
there's actual life ruining shit, like calling someone's university and trying to get them in trouble, and then there's "seeing this person around in games makes me uncomfy because we had fights over stupid rp shit"
ayrt
(Anonymous) 2016-05-09 01:24 pm (UTC)(link)The point I'm trying to make is that you don't know the story of the person on the other side of the screen from you. Maybe you could try not assuming that everyone using the word is using it incorrectly because that's a damaging thing to say to someone who has already had their self-esteem and confidence put through the shredder by an abusive friendship.
ddda+1
(Anonymous) 2016-05-09 05:48 am (UTC)(link)the shit we're talking about is "an abusive friendship" and it's well in those parameters. it's not "abusive parents" or "an abusive romantic relationship."
the bar for a friendship to be abusive is kind of low, and while the damage it can do is real, it's not the same kind of damage that you see in some other kinds of abusive relationships, because a friendship isn't as close as familial or romantic relationships and it's easier to get out of.