wankgate | 190: it's so small I can't even see it in your gaping hole

Fuck you, sugar. That's right. It's me. You probably think I left RP. Nope. Different names, different canons, I'm older and wiser and having fun and you're the pathetic wanker no one will touch with a ten foot pole. Karma is a bitch.

Re: LETTERS YOU'LL NEVER SEND

(Anonymous) - 2017-09-06 05:51 (UTC) - Expand

Re: LETTERS YOU'LL NEVER SEND

(Anonymous) - 2017-09-06 06:44 (UTC) - Expand

Re: LETTERS YOU'LL NEVER SEND

(Anonymous) - 2017-09-06 15:40 (UTC) - Expand

i really enjoyed that time period when we had a close friendship. i'm sorry that we ended up being too different in life philosophies to really sustain it. i know it must have sucked when i ended up dating the rp partner you introduced me to, and you ended up as an awkward thirdwheel. we never did wrong by each other, and i don't think we can change the fundamental limits of our relationship. but i hope you feel loved and fulfilled too someday.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2017-09-12 18:55 (UTC) - Expand

I do wish more people saw you for the fair weather friend you actually are. You're not a bad person and don't deserve a namedrop, but I see you still doing the same old flaky shit you always did and it's annoying.

You used to be a great person. But somewhere along the line you became controlling and started clinging too tightly when I left RP to deal with my my anxiety, and deal with my grief.

I know I wasn't that fun around that time; my grandparents were dying and a lot of other shit was going on for me. I vented to you a lot and if I could go back, I would leave earlier and not do that. That's why I withdrew and stopped hanging around. You were always irritated when I wouldn't be happy, so I cut myself out of the equation.

But being huffy because I made clearly marked vent posts about what was going on on plurk, commenting with snide, bitter comments or ignoring the birthday gift and card I got you, getting angry because I have no time to hang around on discord for hours, getting angry that I was always negative and unhappy and then getting angry when I left to deal with my shit, calling me a lesbophobe when I'm a lesbian myself because I didn't want to hang around with shitty TERFs and don't want to ship every damn f/f pairing around because some bore me. You really crossed a line by shaming me, whining at me and throwing tantrums when I left RP and fandom to focus on my own health. It's just fandom, it's just RP. Me leaving is not some big crime.

We were friends for so long, over 5 years. And everything used to be so good when I was heavily in fandom. I considered you one of my closest friends. But now that I'm spending less time in rp you just keep picking fights. Every time I do get on you just bitch at me for not being as active in fandom. So I just stopped signing on so I wouldn't get someone nagging at me during my free time. I keep rehashing the fight we need to have. In the end, I don't think I want to be friends with what you currently are.

I know you had some shit come down too during that time, but you didn't have to constantly criticize me for grieving and not doing tags. You should really reconsider your priorities.

Re: LETTERS YOU'LL NEVER SEND

(Anonymous) - 2017-09-06 23:28 (UTC) - Expand

Re: LETTERS YOU'LL NEVER SEND

(Anonymous) - 2017-09-07 03:24 (UTC) - Expand

Re: LETTERS YOU'LL NEVER SEND

(Anonymous) - 2017-09-07 04:17 (UTC) - Expand

I think it's funny that you are self aware enough to realize that everyone else who likes 'xx' character doesn't like you, but not self aware enough to recognize your own hypocrisys. You completely shit on anyone else who didn't ship "xx" with who you throught was right but now decided that you are a perfect angel who minds minds their own business.

P.S. I love that you are such an awful writer. It gives me so much validation.

You made me feel so welcome when I joined your came. You were friendly, you were cheerful, you were oh so excited to play with me. Welcome, welcome, welcome you said.

You seemed really chill, really awesome and I'm also into your fandom. I got into it, because you seemed to be having so much fun and I thought maybe I could be a part of that.

Then you didn't tag me back.

I get that things happen, but instead of it being like that you gushed as though it was an awesome thread, you were so going to come back to it, just hang on and wait.

You never did.

I hoped that this was a one-off, something came up and as someone new I definitely wasn't your priority. I asked, when you had another open post, if I should tag you and you agreed I should, I mean our characters haven't really met and this thread, or attempt did not help. The same thing happened, something came up, or someone from your cast came up, and you dropped the thread a few tags in.

You seem very sweet, but I don't want to play with you anymore.

Re: LETTERS YOU'LL NEVER SEND

(Anonymous) - 2017-09-07 02:38 (UTC) - Expand

+1

(Anonymous) - 2017-09-07 03:42 (UTC) - Expand

Re: LETTERS YOU'LL NEVER SEND

(Anonymous) - 2017-09-07 09:53 (UTC) - Expand

Re: LETTERS YOU'LL NEVER SEND

(Anonymous) - 2017-09-08 13:26 (UTC) - Expand

I really regret that I didn't realise I'd neglected our friendship so much until you removed me. You got me through a lot, I loved talking to you and our ship/psls were amazing. By far the best writing I've done. I hate that I didn't give you the time of day, I hate that my life went to shit and I didn't reach out when I got it together again. I kept thinking "I should chat to x, see what x is doing, ask them how they are" and somehow it kept slipping my mind since we're in different games, had no active psls and work was keeping me busy. It's a shitty excuse, I don't blame you for moving on from me.

You don't allow non-friends to contact you on your social medias, otherwise I would reach out and thank you for being a good friend. I'll be over here kicking myself for bad one.

Re: LETTERS YOU'LL NEVER SEND

(Anonymous) - 2017-09-07 07:39 (UTC) - Expand

Re: LETTERS YOU'LL NEVER SEND

(Anonymous) - 2017-09-08 06:15 (UTC) - Expand

Re: LETTERS YOU'LL NEVER SEND

(Anonymous) - 2017-09-08 06:38 (UTC) - Expand

I really miss talking to you. You were a lot of fun and really talented. I just wish that you didn't let your girlfriend control your friendships by cutting all of us off for no discernible reason.

+1

(Anonymous) - 2017-09-08 08:53 (UTC) - Expand

+1

(Anonymous) - 2017-09-08 10:40 (UTC) - Expand

hey, i apologized for how our friendship ended without expecting to or even wanting to reconnect. it was relieving to hear you say you didn't regret a moment, that you were glad of all the good times, and even when you promised a longer email that never came i didn't mind because the conversation we had felt like closure. i am glad we're not friends now because it's given me space to have other people and hobbies in my life, but i don't hate you either and we don't run in the same circles so it was easy to just put it all behind me.

except recently i found out you tell people that i was an abuser who "groomed" you, a woman several years older than me, and that i'm responsible for all your rp anxiety, and are claiming i was responsible for your wankgate threads, and you blocked our mutual friend who tried to ask more about it, and talk about how i've "ruined" canons for you. it's really weird and scary to hear this about myself and to wonder if i totally misremember our entire friendship. i know you probably don't want to see my name ever again, but i wish you could have said something to me directly, even if it would have hurt.

i don't know how i'm supposed to infer that i'm important to you or you care about me when i honestly can't remember the last time you called or emailed or took the initiative to contact me, when you consistently act as though my time isn't important by showing up late to everything, when you propose that i be the one to join in on your activities and your hobbies when you shrug and scoff at mine, and when half of the times i see you you're angry, sullen and lashing out because you're "stressed" or "had a bad day."

i'm tired of dealing with your temper tantrums when your frustrations with your worthless partner boil over. i'm sorry you're so emotionally and financially dependent on him that you can't extract yourself, but that's a choice you made, and you've made it abundantly clear again and again that he is more important to you than i will ever be.

i'm tired of trying to be supportive and offer a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on when he does stupid, inconsiderate things yet again while knowing that you couldn't care less about my problems. i hate that i love you so much and you're so important to me, when i'm barely even a blip on your emotional radar.

sometimes i wish i could hurt you the way you hurt me, but i know i'll never have that power, because in order for someone to hurt you, that person has to actually matter to you.

"she's the only sister you've got," mom said once, when i told her how angry i was with you. i wonder, has she ever told you that? and if she has, did you care?

DEAR WHOEVER

STOP HUMMING

UNSENT BECAUSE I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHERE THE NOISE IS COMING FROM

Re: LETTERS YOU'LL NEVER SEND

(Anonymous) - 2017-09-09 04:21 (UTC) - Expand

Sorry for ghosting completely, friends. I don't hate you; My mental illness came knocking.

+1

(Anonymous) - 2017-09-11 23:48 (UTC) - Expand

I love how you told me to get lost because I was a loser and now people tag you less on bakerstreet than they do me.

The only thing better is seeing you whine on rpanons about how you can never find someone to RP with you. You aren't that great and neither is your writing for you to be that stuck up of a bitch.

Re: LETTERS YOU'LL NEVER SEND

(Anonymous) - 2017-09-09 19:32 (UTC) - Expand

I wish I had never introduced you to this game. I thought it might be fun to do together, but then you apped too many characters, barely used any of them, and got angry when you were finally cut for inactivity despite leaving multiple events because they gave you literal panic attacks. And now you've admitted to me that you check the game's calendar before you even ask me if I'm free to do things. It's unhealthy, and it honestly feels like you're trying to monitor everything I do that doesn't have to do with you.

if it makes you feel any better, i've gotten kinda fat

you're still a douche, though

Re: LETTERS YOU'LL NEVER SEND

(Anonymous) - 2017-09-10 18:35 (UTC) - Expand

I miss you sometimes. we grew up together, shaped each other, and sometimes I see your tastes reflected through mine. it's bittersweet and it makes me wonder where you are, if you're doing ok. don't worry, though, I'm not going to reach out.

losing you made me a better person. you were right to cut me off. it's taken me a long time to accept that but now I do.

I hope you're doing well. you've got some pretty fucked up tastes but you're one of the most beautiful people I've ever known. you deserve to be happy. thank you for being my friend.

Sometimes, not often but every now and then, I'll catch myself feeling a little guilty for cutting off contact with you the way I did. I read your messages, for what that's worth, I didn't just delete them out of hand.

But then I remember how clingy you were, like an ugly little dog desperate for someone to pet you, and then I don't feel guilty anymore, I just feel relieved. I know myself well enough to know I could never satisfy your gaping black hole of neediness and I'm too old and too set in my ways to try.

Still, I kinda hope you do find someone who can, even if you're almost as old as I am. I kind of doubt it, since neediness never looks on anyone, but supposedly there's someone out there for everyone. I hope you find them.