Re: PLURK PET PEEVES

(Anonymous) 2024-07-01 03:16 am (UTC)(link)
Isolation in parenthood is a big thing, and both the new parent and friends can lose contact. It is healthy for the parent to be able to take some time away from their child for a little bit to focus on themselves so they can be the best person for their child (raise your hand if you ever had a parent, who wanted you, say they gave up 'everything' for you)

It is in fact common for women to lose their identity outside of 'momma' (think of the number of new mothers who get gifts involving their child during those first few years).

Usually though, to be able to maintain an identity does require active work on both the parents and the friends group behalf, along with a lot of flexibility on both sides. And even though a lot of the time both sides say it is possible, it becomes harder as life in general becomes harder.

Sometimes a friend should come over, offer to help pick up the house, put a frozen pizza in the oven and let the new parent bitch for a bit about being a new parent before getting that refocus to happen, even if it is just sitting down and reading the book together in silence. But also, the parent needs to see that their friends did not stop having lives and are on pause waiting for them to come back and make the effort to talk about the non-parent based stuff going on in their friends lives.