wankgate | 251: back in my day wank meant something

251: back in my day wank meant something

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from what i remember, he left and went back home and his death was suicide after the fact. he went out and his parents were looking for him and it was a whole thing. the blame was put on second because (and i don't remember the specifics) a lot of people were blaming her for the guy being mentally not in a good place to do what he did.

it was less 'second killed someone/presumed to have killed someone' and more 'seconds actions hurt someone to the point it's presumed they were behind the mental cause of why the person did what they did'.

From what I do recall about the Second stuff, she basically encouraged her victim into self harming for her to get her rocks off? So yeah, she messed that kid up so badly.

yeah, she was doing a lot of really fucked up stuff to him in the guise of a supposed bdsm relationship. encouraging him to hurt himself, controlling him tightly, stuff like that. even if he´d started out in an absolutely solid mental place, that kind of shit would easily have destroyed him, and needless to say he wasn´t in that kind of a place to begin with.

He was weeks away from turning 20 and I remember the interpretation being that he did it because he felt he was aging out of her affections.

I checked second's tumblr years later out of curiousity and she doesn't feel sorry for a lick of it, for the record. I actually saw her trying to smear dwrp for "running her boyfriend out of the community" when as anyone who was there remembers, we were begging him to stay and telling her to fuck off.

unfortunately, the two aren't mutually exclusive. too much pressure on an abuse victim to leave their abuser can make them cling more tightly to their abuser. it's really not uncommon, actually, and i wouldn't be surprised if the anoncomms' general lack of moderation or restraint really did contribute to fin not being able to extricate himself from second.

i’ve seen this thing happen again and again both in friend groups and as a outsider. often the victim doesn’t even consider it abuse and what they see it as is a attack on someone who they love. a lot of times they cut off anyone who didn’t voice unequivocal support for their abuser, which often meant that they ended up further isolated and in turn more dependent on them.

begging someone to leave their partner in anon comments on wankgate only works against the message too. second obviously spun it as anonymous harassment to them.

it's so sickening to watch someone be abused and to know that trying to convince them of it is going to be fully counterproductive, but it's vital that people who want to help know how to do it properly. Like someone who ignorantly puts ice on a burn, trying to pry the victim away from their abuser is only going to make everything worse but it can FEEL so much like the right thing to do.

im sorry you've been in that position, nonnie :(

you're not supposed to put ice on a burn?

nope! you will inflict further tissue damage that way. DO NOT ice a burn -- use cool-not-cold water.

the internet lied to me about how to respond to sick burns!

Wankgate? Anoncomms? Guys, we were talking to Fin in person. Give us credit that Fin's friends and concerned acquaintances actually tried talking to him when it all came out.

Second spun people loving and caring about Fin as harassment. Which hey, come to think of it, is exactly what she did when Fin's parents didn't approve of her, only to change her tune the second they did. Funny how that works. Cured of their abuse overnight!

fin having people trying to speak to them irl does not make the anon comments never happen. you cannot pretend that it blowing up on wankgate did not influence the situation at all.

tbh that doesn’t invalidate the previous point: if you put a abuse victim on the spot, especially if they have not come to terms with it, they will usually side with their abuser. and more often then not, they now feel as if you’re someone they can’t trust or at worst, the enemy. your example of how second treated fin’s parents is a perfect example of how abusers will manipulate and control their victims’ relationships. they will turn your “loving and caring” into something nefarious or dangerous, because you’re now actively threatening their control and they need you gone asap.

tsk-tsking ordinary people for not being able to act like this around a child being molested is frankly psychotic though

sorry you feel that way but that’s honestly how it usually goes. headfirst confrontation backfires in most cases and that’s exactly what happened here. you can call me psychotic but in the end, what happened is that fin ended up sticking closer to second, who has gotten away scot free without any repercussions and is apparently now claiming that he was driven out of dwrp by “harassment.”

I think it's really cool and normal you can nod and smile politely when a child tells you their "girlfriend" has been instructing them on best to slice their arms up. Good for you.

Truly, we're getting a unique insight into what second's friends were thinking when they encouraged the relationship. Bold of you to put yourself on display like that!

no you moron, when someone is telling you that is when you step in. what the ever loving fuck is wrong with you in that your kneejerk reaction is either you take action or you’re an enabler? have you ever actually interacted with someone in a abusive relationship? the point isn’t to tell someone “oh youre being abused and you should leave” it’s to remain as support and a safety line when they realize they need to get out. unfortunately because this is real life, that sometimes just doesn’t happen because of various reasons.

you are a complete imbecile living in a fantasy world. i truly feel sorry for anyone that has to deal with you because of your completely lack of empathy and understanding.

"Fin's friends were wrong for stepping in at the exact moment I said they should" can you not at least try to be consistent? It honestly just seems like (and has from the beginning tbh) you just want to lecture people on why, if only they had your wisdom and street smarts, they'd have known the correct way to deal with things was treat a predator like anyone else so as not to scare off the victim. People have been pointing out that your request is genuinely delusional with little guaranteed payout.

It is, honestly, quite telling that you are many more times invested in criticising the people who said gee Fin, this is setting off red flags for me, and not the people who spent a year telling them their engagement was "cute"

"Have you considered that all several hundred of you, a community full of CSA and SA victims, should have simply Not reacted poorly to the pedophile in your midst being revealed, on the off chance that some of you might have been able to slowly pill Fin on his relationship with second over the years to come? She never would have figured out what your intentions were and cut Fin off from you regardless, of course."

I think some of you simply do not read what you write.

think you should try following your own suggestion there first, chief

https://wankgate.dreamwidth.org/66525.html?thread=268176861#cmt268176861

I think some of you simply do not read what you write.

your responses are kind of making it seem like they hit the nail on the head, anon :/ begging you to please beat these allegations fast because pedo enabling is how things got as bad as they did long before wg entered the picture

Kids, could you lighten up a little?

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251: back in my day wank meant something

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