wankgate | 251: back in my day wank meant something

251: back in my day wank meant something

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I'm sympathetic to illness and life circumstances, but at some point I stop wanting to hear people give their reasons for not tagging on a daily basis. Tell me when you are around and doing shit, and stop demanding my attention to pat you on the back and tell you it's okay you haven't done shit in weeks.

This is why I don’t trust people with anything personal. Too many times I’ve realized I’m just a fun dispenser and any friendliness I experience is the currency being paid to me as long as I keep the fun coming.

Seconding this. Sometimes I’m like maybe I’ll share something… nah, assholes like this exist and there’s no point actually.

op's language was a little uncharitable, but it still seems a little weird to call the anon an asshole, if what they are expressing is that individual instances are perfectly fine, but they find it exhaustive when the behavior becomes a trend. i've been in their shoes and found it a bit uncomfortable when people i barely knew would give me unsolicited daily updates about what personal life situation is keeping them from tagging, especially when i made no effort to hasten them to get back to their threads and didn't probe for a reason behind their absence. if the relationship isn't close, oversharing can be overwhelming too and it can make people feel guilty for effectively existing on the receiving end of an untagged thread, even when they are exercising zero pressure. a simple 'hey, X is happening, i'll let you know when i can tag again' can be enough.

part of the reason i pulled back from plurk is because so many people kept trying to use me as a "friendship dispenser" when we barely knew each other and id just added them for plotting. it gets overwhelming when someone who is effectively a stranger on the internet keeps dumping the minutiae of their life on you constantly & you don't really want to reciprocate.

people complain all the time about "fun dispensers" but some of us really are here just to have fun damn

there are some people who really just plurk about how terrible their lives are every other day, what wastes of space they are and how bad their mental health is, etc etc ad infinitum. by the sounds of it they have nothing good ever going for them. that's what we call an energy vampire because they're exhausting to see after you've done your attempt as strangers/acquaintances to offer some empathy, as do multiple other people, and yet day in and day out it's just more of the same no matter what happens. a plurk timeline isn't qualified to act as a therapist, nor is it the place to throw all your dear diary private moaning and bitching unless you have that shit privated away from everyone else who can see it.

and then there'll be a panicked plurk at the end of the month going 'o-oh I didn't manage ac on x or y character...' clearly fishing for someone to boomerang with at the last minute.

if you can't tag for a while, that's fine, i don't care, i don't need to know the intimate details as to why. you can deal with whatever's going on and take as long as you need.

it gets really awkward when people start dumping personal details that were never asked for nor was it ever implied that they were needed. "hey, i've got some family stuff going on right now so tags might be slow" is fine! i don't need daily updates on your family member's condition unless we're actually friends beyond just dwrp.

Wankgate lends itself to uncharitable ways of speaking, I'll admit, but you've nailed it. If you've told me you're going to be away for a bit because of an illness, I don't also need to hear the next day that your nephew-in-law is sick, and the next day that your mother is coming to visit, and the next day your work is making you take a trip to Mars, and then you've got to help your cousin Lassie rescue Timmy from the well. I'm not doubting that every one of those things is legitimately happening and that it's stressful.

I'm doubting that it is my business to care about all of that, and that on every one of those occasions I owe sympathetic noises and extra reassurance that I'll wait forever just for a single tag from you.

op has a point though.

i honestly can't imagine many people on my plurklist as friends just because we play in a game together, especially not if we don't have anything in common except rping in the same game. if all i am seeing from them is how they can't tag everyday because of only negative events in their lives, i can only sympathize for so long before it makes ME lose energy. at that point i wouldn't keep them around, because even if it's not intentional, that starts to be toxic for the receiver.

no one wants to be a dopamine dispenser for too long, whether that's tags, buttpats, emotional support, etc. it's why donation fatigue is a thing, because at a point, many people would get burnt out being the receiving end of something that never seems to end.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

251: back in my day wank meant something

Re: UNPOPULAR DWRP OPINIONS

Re: UNPOPULAR DWRP OPINIONS

Re: UNPOPULAR DWRP OPINIONS

da

+1

+1

+1

OP

Re: UNPOPULAR DWRP OPINIONS