wankgate | 239: how does one become popular on dreamwidth rp?

There's a replurk on my timeline about someone begging via ko-fi for their wedding and it is tacky as hell. If you can't afford a big wedding, and you ~really want to be together~, just go down to the courthouse, get married, and throw a party later.

Agree it's tacky but if that's how ppl wanna use their money (to donate), that's fine i guess

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I think it's stupid to waste money on Funko Pops but I don't say anything when people talk about them on their timeline because it's nice that they're excited about them and I don't have the right to tell people what to do with their money

it's one thing if they're talking about funko pops, there's nothing wrong with that. but if they start asking for donations to buy funko pops? then yeah, i think people have the right to judge that.

parented up expecting to see something about someone begging for donations only to turn around and buy anime figurines but uh

this is true about funko pops, but surely we can afford a little more significance and empathy to funding “having a wedding ceremony” than we do to “buying plastic collectibles with horrible soulless eyes.” crowdfunding ≠ anyone, much less everyone, being expected to actually donate

Anyone asking for anything online makes anons rage and piss themselves for some reason. God forbid someone ask for donations for their wedding or health issues or for sudden pet bills. Poor people shouldn't hate poor people but we live in a capitalistic hellscape.

my dude weddings are literally the definition of gross capitalism

conspicuous consumption weddings sure, i guess
but having any kind of celebration at all is pretty fundamentally human and well predates capitalism

idk maybe i would be pissed if i actually had seen this plurk and the associated GFM to have a sense of what the target $$ is for them; i can easily imagine how it could come across as tacky and entitled.
but i feel like most anons are being a little harsh on what, at least without context, seems like (1) the concept of wanting to spend literally any amount of money to make your wedding special and (2) deciding to ask around and see what, if anything, their friends are comfortable donating to that cause. the nature of replurks means they usually end up coming across strangers' timelines without it being deliberate, so the optimist in me wants to give this couple the benefit of the doubt.

they want three thousand dollars from people for their ~*dream wedding*~

so yes, anon, it is pretty tacky and entitled and it's not really surprising it's getting called out

no one has described the actual plurk in question until the last few posts. literally no one. so anons defending a concept is different than defending whatever that is.

ok yeah framing it as ~our dream wedding~ is indeed really tacky.
thanks for the added context, anon.

you can plan a ~dream wedding~ on just $3k these days? i see dresses go for more than that on the regular where i'm from, much less venue, food, dj, clothes, decorations, etc. huh. wild.

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weddings as conspicuous consumption also predate capitalism & happen in non-capitalist societies

it's def a human thing

that said the point of doing it is to show off the fact you can consume resources you have and can afford to consume versus, borrow for... so like that's def screwy from a social evolution of the wedding pov

not that i much care. people can gfm whatever the heck they want, even if it's tacky or weird from an anthropological standpoint, lol

Yeah, they're asking for $3000 to cover half of their dream wedding. That's why it's so tacky. If you can't afford a big wedding, there are plenty of options out there. Begging for your dream wedding is tacky.

God forbid someone ask for donations for their wedding or health issues or for sudden pet bills.

one of these things is not like the others, one of these things doesn't belong

things that are necessities: health issues, sudden pet bills
things that are not in any way even remotely necessities: a wedding

getting married is a right. if government started charging insane fees to get married, and people still needed to be able to get married for health insurance and tax purposes, and put up gofundmes for that, i'd understand and even chip in for my friends.

a wedding is not getting married. a wedding is a very expensive party. getting married does not need a wedding. even people who aren't poor vastly overspend and end up in financial trouble over weddings. begging for the funds to throw a party is, tbqh, gross.

GFMs are out of fucking control right now, but this one is so ridiculous and so unnecessary and the fake outrage over OH NO YOU MUST HATE THE POORS HOW DARE YOU is absolutely insane. Just admit you're trying to take advantage of people and the pandemic for your party.

i hate unnecessary gfms as much as the next person, but how is this taking advantage of anybody? they're not lying about what the money is for. no one is holding a gun to anyone's head and forcing them to donate. no one is being taken advantage of here.

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Thank you, you get where I'm coming from. I'm a married RPer and I would never have dreamed of asking anyone else to chip in. My partner and I had the wedding we could afford without begging for help or racking up huge credit card bills.

That's why I'm saying that the plurk starter can get married now, if it's so important for them to be together ASAP, and have a party when they can save up for it.

I'm hesitant to be too down on this.

In my country, it's normal for the bridesmaids and groomsmen to fundraise for some of the wedding costs, usually with a party with paid tickets/a cover charge, drink tickets and raffles. It's usually a nice fun and less stuffy version of an engagement party.

Obvs this is different since you get a fun experience and might win a mini dirtbike or something at a stag & doe party, but it's something that makes me a little biased towards thinking fundraising for a wedding is fine. (And I was kind of surprised when I found out it wasn't something Americans do too)

This was badly done and worded and probably should've just been sent out to their family and RL friends, but if they are at least doing commissions of some sort, their biggest sin here was sounding too desperate and maybe overestimating their online friendship levels.

I'm american and it's like... For my culture it's normal too like yours, but for white americans it isn't? Something like that. White people don't do this, so I imagine it's mostly white americans commenting here against it.

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nayrt (but ayrt's ayrt? do we have a term for that)

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now i'm ayrt for real

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da

thread starter coming back

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